Dont Marry !!

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has,you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
"The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know,son,I'm still paying for it."

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

When a newly married man looks happy we know why.But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know,I was a fool when I married you."
And the husband replied,"Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job,he still ends up with the same boss.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,you can be sure of one thing:
either the wife is new or the car.

A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him." Asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multimillionaire".

Marriage is love . Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage,it is love; after marriage it is self-defence.

There's was this lover who told his love that he would go through hell for her.
They got married - and now he is going through HELL !

Life Before the Computer

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 ½ inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!

Keep Alive ... Keep Awake..

A delightful story is told about a young man who
applied for a job as a telegraph operator.
He answered an ad in the newspaper and went to the
telegraph office to await an interview.
Though he knew Morse Code and was
qualified in every other way, seven other applicants
were also waiting in the large, noisy office.
He saw customers coming and going and heard a
telegraph clacking away in the background.
He also noticed a sign on the receptionist's counter
instructing applicants to fill out a form and wait to
be summoned to an inner office for an interview.
He filled out the form and sat down to wait.
After a few minutes, the young man stood up, crossed
the room to the door of the inner office,
and walked right in. Naturally the other applicants
perked up, wondering why he had been so bold.
They talked among themselves and finally determined that,
since nobody had been summoned to interview
yet, the man would likely be reprimanded for not following
instructions and possibly disqualified for the job.
Within a few minutes, however, the young man emerged
from the inner office escorted by the interviewer,
who announced to the other applicants,
"Thank you all very much for coming, but the job has just
been filled."
They were all confused and one man spoke up:
"Wait a minute -- I don't understand.
We've been waiting longer than he and we never even got a
chance to be interviewed."
The employer responded, "All the time you've been
sitting here, the telegraph has been ticking out the following message:
'If you understand this, then come right in. The job is yours.' So you
see, all of you were summoned, but HE heard and understood!"
This man knew a valuable life-lesson that most people
miss:
Wherever You Are, Be There.
You're there physically, be there emotionally.
Be there mentally. Be there attentively.
Be there as fully as you can.

Wherever you are, be there.
When you're completely present, you'll make the
most of every minute. And minutes lived fully add up
to a life lived magnificently.

If you want to make your dreams come true, the
first thing you have to do is wake up.

God Exists or Not !!

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and
his beard trimmed. As
the barber began to work, they began to have a
good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various
subjects. When they
eventually touched on the subject of God, the
barber said: "I don't
believe that God exists."
"Why do you say that?" asked the customer.
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to
realize that God
doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would
there be so many sick
people? Would there be abandoned children? If
God existed, there
would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't
imagine a loving a God
who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't
respond because he
didn't want to start an argument. The barber
finished his job and
the customer left the shop. Just after he left
the barbershop, he
saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an
untrimmed beard.
He looked dirty and unkempt..
The customer turned back and entered the barber
shop again and he
said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do
not exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised
barber. "I am here, and
I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't
exist because if they
did, there would be no people with dirty long
hair and untrimmed
beards, like that man outside."
"Ah, but barbers DO exist! " answered the
barber. " What happens,
is, people do not come to me."
"Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the
point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is,
people don't go to Him and do not look for
Him. That's why there's so much pain and
suffering in the world."
If you think God exists, forward this on to
other people---
If you think God does not exist, just delete it!

Letter from her Daughter

One evening recently, a mother entered her daughter's bedroom to
discover it empty. As she looked around, she spied a letter over the
bed. With trembling hands and a terrible sense of premonition, she
read....
Dear Mom;
Please don't be mad, but I eloped with my new boyfriend. I finally
found real love and he is so nice Mom, with all his piercings and
tattoos and his big Harley. Not only that, I'm pregnant and Ahmed says
we're going to be really happy in his trailer in
the woods.
He wants to have lots more children with me and you know that's one of
my dreams too. Also, he taught me that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone
and we're going to grow it for us and his friends, who
will pay us by giving us all the cocaine and ecstasy we'll
ever need and we'll pray every day for scientists! to find the cure
for
AIDS so that Ahmed can get better. He deserves it.
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take
care of myself. Some day I'll visit so you can get to know your
grandchildren.
Your daughter, Judith
After fainting, Mom came to and read the rest of the letter....
PS: Mom, it's not true. I'm next door at Janey's house. I
just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the
report card on my desk... love you!

More Points to Ponder !!

** Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

** Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

** Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is husband !

** I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash

** A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

** Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

** Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without,,, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

** You can't buy love . . . but you pay heavily for it

** True friends stab you in the front

** Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

** Bad politicians are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

** Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired

** Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

** My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

** Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

** Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

** A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

** You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

** It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

** Early to bed,early to rise,your girl goes out with other guys.

** Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

** Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

** Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

** They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.